A few practices to break the cycle of domestic violence in your marriage

Preventing domestic violence in your marriage is crucial to your health and well-being, and breaking the pattern of abuse is a shared responsibility, not one to be carried by the perpetrator alone.

As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better; then when you know better, do better.”

Even if you or your spouse were subjected to abuse as children when you were vulnerable, it is your utmost obligation to break the cycle as adults now that you know better, so you can both live a life of purpose.

The risk of violence can be mitigated through early intervention and strategies that help create an honest, respectful, and supportive relationship aimed at addressing issues amicably before they spiral into conflict.
Practise reassurance and alleviate uncertainties

A healthy marriage can only be achieved through partnership, shared responsibilities, and unwavering love for each other. It is therefore critical to understand how to support your quick-tempered spouse, who may have had a traumatised childhood devoid of love. This is a sacrifice you must be prepared to make from the start. Insecurity and fear of losing the one you love can often take precedence in the mind of an unstable spouse who may have suffered disappointments and neglect in the past. It is helpful to express reassurance about your commitment as a positive way to alleviate uncertainties, leaving them feeling protected and equally devoted to the marriage.

Practice effective communication
Healthy communication is built from the parent-child relationship, where children grow up in an environment where they feel valued and able to express their feelings and concerns freely, without fear or intimidation. This is significant later in life and impacts how you communicate with your partner and others in your circle. Most abusive marriages occur due to communication breakdowns and a lack of empathy for each other’s feelings, which can be learned behaviour from childhood. This is often triggered by the tone of voice and body language when trying to express your opinion in a demeaning manner.

Practice active listening

You must understand that your spouse is not your child, and you should endeavour to listen without trying to undermine them during an argument. Everyone is entitled to express their feelings without fear or oppression. Both partners should learn to build a healthy conversation where each person feels heard and respected. This means actively listening to your spouse without interrupting and engaging in constructive communication that preserves peace and kindness in your marriage.

Practice emotional intelligence

The ability to regulate your emotions is crucial in breaking the cycle of domestic abuse in your marriage. Although studies have shown that men are more likely to be perpetrators in abusive marriages, some men are triggered by their spouse’s response, especially when they feel undermined, helpless, or frustrated during an argument. Every woman must practice emotional intelligence by choosing her battles wisely and knowing when to let go, as not every disagreement is worth a tug-of-war. Prioritise issues that are beneficial to your marriage, and focus on your strengths to create a strong and healthy foundation for your marriage to flourish.